Gotta start sometime and somewhere
I've put off starting this blog long enough. Many nights have I written posts in my head that should have been written here.
For now I'm starting. My purpose is not financial or fame but rather for personal healing, growth and the chance I can possibly help others who are dealing with similar circumstances and can learn from my experiences.
For the first little bit I'll be the only one to read this but soon I'll make this public for all including my first posts.
This purpose of this blog is to examine my struggles with depression. I've had thoughts of suicide. This is something I have struggled with all my life but really didn't become aware of my mental issues until later in life. I had glimpses early on but it was with the death of my best friend Dana in 2007 that forced me to face it head on. I've had several sessions with therapists. I'm on medication. Both things help.
What I'm pleased about is the evolution of how society sees and deals with issues of mental health. I felt all alone in my struggles. It's so sad to read often over the last several years about the people who have decided to take their own lives rather than get help. Yet, as one who has suffered for decades with depression I can be sympathetic to the thoughts and trials those individuals were dealing with.
I'm in no position to judge. I've considered taking my life many times. I've considered often the different ways to go about doing it.
But it has been my faith and my family that has kept me from going through with anything. I can't do that to my family. That doesn't mean from time to time I don't pray that my suffering will be over and life will end. But I'm not ready to meet my maker and Heavenly Father. I know I'd have to answer for my actions should I take my life despite some times believing that no one loves me or cares about me or that I wouldn't be missed or have I really done any good or made a difference.
It hasn't helped being unemployed the last eight months. It has meant way too much time spent in my head with my dark thoughts. But spending time with my son and my amazing wife has helped counter this very difficult time.
Well that is a good start and feel better that I've finally started and can release this dam of emotion and thoughts and maybe it will do some good, if only just for me.
For now I'm starting. My purpose is not financial or fame but rather for personal healing, growth and the chance I can possibly help others who are dealing with similar circumstances and can learn from my experiences.
For the first little bit I'll be the only one to read this but soon I'll make this public for all including my first posts.
This purpose of this blog is to examine my struggles with depression. I've had thoughts of suicide. This is something I have struggled with all my life but really didn't become aware of my mental issues until later in life. I had glimpses early on but it was with the death of my best friend Dana in 2007 that forced me to face it head on. I've had several sessions with therapists. I'm on medication. Both things help.
What I'm pleased about is the evolution of how society sees and deals with issues of mental health. I felt all alone in my struggles. It's so sad to read often over the last several years about the people who have decided to take their own lives rather than get help. Yet, as one who has suffered for decades with depression I can be sympathetic to the thoughts and trials those individuals were dealing with.
I'm in no position to judge. I've considered taking my life many times. I've considered often the different ways to go about doing it.
But it has been my faith and my family that has kept me from going through with anything. I can't do that to my family. That doesn't mean from time to time I don't pray that my suffering will be over and life will end. But I'm not ready to meet my maker and Heavenly Father. I know I'd have to answer for my actions should I take my life despite some times believing that no one loves me or cares about me or that I wouldn't be missed or have I really done any good or made a difference.
It hasn't helped being unemployed the last eight months. It has meant way too much time spent in my head with my dark thoughts. But spending time with my son and my amazing wife has helped counter this very difficult time.
Well that is a good start and feel better that I've finally started and can release this dam of emotion and thoughts and maybe it will do some good, if only just for me.
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